This week's lesson in how to become a bad parent. You must:

1. Yell at your child when she doesn't listen to you, although you have repeatedly, from a chair, clearly not motivated, while sending texts and laughing at emails, asked her if she wanted to go get Ham and cheese because you are hungry.

2. Leave that child in the locked car, with the windows up and the heat on, alone, parked half in the street and half on the sidewalk.

3. Run in to interrupt your other child's physical therapy session while your younger child is waiting locked in the car, with the windows up and the heat on, alone...

and- 4 (my favorite)
Have the older child that you plucked from Physcial Therapy early walk out into the rain and cold with their pants scrunched all the way up and only one foot in her boot.

But at least you are all wearing matching jackets and your nails are done.

Release the Hounds!

School has begun.  Last year, Teddy went to Nursery school three afternoons per week and really didn’t display any type of separation.  None actually, which of course made me worry that he wasn’t attached to me and I wasn’t a good mom.  It also made me think if he was in touch with his emotions and if not, maybe I have a bigger problem on my hands than just a Sensory Issue. 

Fast forward to today, his third day alone in preschool (a big boy’s school!) and he is hysterical crying.  I know the right thing to do.  As a teacher of preschool kids, I always said it was better to just leave, and let us deal with it.  If they see you upset or waver they think they have a real reason to cry.  The stronger you are about it…BLAH BLAH BLAH!  My kid is crying.  It is damned hard to walk away from that, even when you know what is best.

Will he cry all afternoon?

Probably not.  He is probably right now just playing and doing a project, hanging with his new friends.  Will he cry when I pick him up?  Probably.

I saw it coming.  For a few weeks he has been off.  Not sleeping well.  Telling me that he won’t like his new teachers because he loves me and there is no more room to love anyone else.  This past week he has been displaying anger towards inanimate objects, kicking tires and doors a little.  Not listening.  What can I do except help him through this.  We started reading the Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, a timeless tale about a Raccoon going to school and having some hesitations.  His mom kisses his hand and tells him whenever he feels lonely he can put his hand up to his cheek and say to himself Mommy Loves me.  We did it.  I drew a heart on his hand, kissed it and he put it up to his cheek cradling it saying Mommy and Daddy love me. 

He threw my kiss away today.  I don’t feel hurt, or think this has in any way to do with me personally, but when his teacher saw that she said, he really loves school I wonder why he did that. Really?  Have you never dealt with a child who has separation?  He is the only one?  And you have been teaching preschool for how long now?  Oh this is your first year, you usually teach 4^th grade.  Well…….that doesn’t inspire the confidence that you will be able to care for him.  A 4^th grader is a completely different animal. 

He wasn’t alone in his display of fear and anguish.  Three other kids, one whom refused to go in at all, were hysterical.  The parents were at a loss because this is their first experience with separation.  I fear it may be another long year folks. 

How long will this separation last?  I guess it depends upon a few things.  How I handle it, how his teachers handle it and how the other kids in the class handle theirs.  Maybe a new parent group needs to be started; maybe they already have one in place.  There should absolutely be a class for parents on how to deal with separation---parenting at all stages needs a handbook, a guide to help us figure the little things out.  It takes a team to raise a Whole child. 

I hope his separation comes and goes quickly, and that he enjoys school. And I hope the guilt I am feeling passes too.  I know it will. Tomorrow I am giving him an ID card with my picture on it, that worked once over the summer, let’s hope it will again.

Welcome to Teach-R-Mom--Who am I and why should you care?

I am a teacher. I am a mom.  As a mom, I am always teaching my son (and believe it or not, he is absolutely teaching me).  The thing I didn't expect however, was that now, when I teach, I use my the mom part of my brain and am really able to see the act of education not only through the educator's point of view but through a mom's point of view.  I guess I naively thought that I would be able to distance myself from that part of myself while I was teaching but, not only am I not able to do that, I don't want to.  I think I am a better teacher, especially for the preschoolers I teach, because I am a mom.  During parent-teacher meetings at the Nursery School I taught at, I would glibly tell the parents of my students, "I am not a mom, so I cannot say what I would do if I was in your place, but..." and then add in some tree-ripened piece of pedagogical wisdom. 

And for the most part, I would have been on the right track--educationally speaking, but it was how I said it that needed to be tweaked a little.  I see that now.  But then I also see the flaws in the educational system more keenly.  I know too much about the goings on inside a school.  I know what needs or should be happening, from the parent's perspective, the teacher's perspective and the director's perspective.  Mix this with an overinflated Super-teacher complex, and a proclivity to butt in and you have me.  Well meaning, well educated and willing to share what I know.

As my son gets older, and more choices for his education need to be made, I am aware of two things.  I am an educational snob, and my instincts are usually right on. 

Before I write any further, I want to tell you, dear reader, that I usually am modest, but you didn't come here to read a blog written by someone without any expertise.  I want to share with you what I know to help you make better decisions about educating your child, whether on Staten Island, in Brooklyn or in Botswana.  Actually I take that back, probably not Botswana, but Seattle maybe.  I will impart what I know using humor and insight.  I am very interested in the field of education, especially early childhood and special education.  I think about it often and to the possible annoyance of the parents in my son's classes, friends and acquaintances I talk about it often as well.

My basic philosophy of how to educate a child (or anyone for that matter) is identifying the key to how they learn and making it meaningful to them.  I identify with Howard Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences and use it to teach my students in the way that they will learn best.  The key is to get that child to love school, but a child who likes to use his hands to learn will not do well in a classroom that doesn't allow touching as an option.  A child who needs to see how something is done before internalizing a lesson will not do well in a class where rote memorization is the main instructional tool. 

I hope to write a post at least 4 times a week.  Let's see how that goes shall we!  Until then, remember the key to your child's love of anything lies with you.  If you are psyched about learning and reading they will be too