This week's lesson in how to become a bad parent. You must:

1. Yell at your child when she doesn't listen to you, although you have repeatedly, from a chair, clearly not motivated, while sending texts and laughing at emails, asked her if she wanted to go get Ham and cheese because you are hungry.

2. Leave that child in the locked car, with the windows up and the heat on, alone, parked half in the street and half on the sidewalk.

3. Run in to interrupt your other child's physical therapy session while your younger child is waiting locked in the car, with the windows up and the heat on, alone...

and- 4 (my favorite)
Have the older child that you plucked from Physcial Therapy early walk out into the rain and cold with their pants scrunched all the way up and only one foot in her boot.

But at least you are all wearing matching jackets and your nails are done.

Release the Hounds!

School has begun.  Last year, Teddy went to Nursery school three afternoons per week and really didn’t display any type of separation.  None actually, which of course made me worry that he wasn’t attached to me and I wasn’t a good mom.  It also made me think if he was in touch with his emotions and if not, maybe I have a bigger problem on my hands than just a Sensory Issue. 

Fast forward to today, his third day alone in preschool (a big boy’s school!) and he is hysterical crying.  I know the right thing to do.  As a teacher of preschool kids, I always said it was better to just leave, and let us deal with it.  If they see you upset or waver they think they have a real reason to cry.  The stronger you are about it…BLAH BLAH BLAH!  My kid is crying.  It is damned hard to walk away from that, even when you know what is best.

Will he cry all afternoon?

Probably not.  He is probably right now just playing and doing a project, hanging with his new friends.  Will he cry when I pick him up?  Probably.

I saw it coming.  For a few weeks he has been off.  Not sleeping well.  Telling me that he won’t like his new teachers because he loves me and there is no more room to love anyone else.  This past week he has been displaying anger towards inanimate objects, kicking tires and doors a little.  Not listening.  What can I do except help him through this.  We started reading the Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, a timeless tale about a Raccoon going to school and having some hesitations.  His mom kisses his hand and tells him whenever he feels lonely he can put his hand up to his cheek and say to himself Mommy Loves me.  We did it.  I drew a heart on his hand, kissed it and he put it up to his cheek cradling it saying Mommy and Daddy love me. 

He threw my kiss away today.  I don’t feel hurt, or think this has in any way to do with me personally, but when his teacher saw that she said, he really loves school I wonder why he did that. Really?  Have you never dealt with a child who has separation?  He is the only one?  And you have been teaching preschool for how long now?  Oh this is your first year, you usually teach 4^th grade.  Well…….that doesn’t inspire the confidence that you will be able to care for him.  A 4^th grader is a completely different animal. 

He wasn’t alone in his display of fear and anguish.  Three other kids, one whom refused to go in at all, were hysterical.  The parents were at a loss because this is their first experience with separation.  I fear it may be another long year folks. 

How long will this separation last?  I guess it depends upon a few things.  How I handle it, how his teachers handle it and how the other kids in the class handle theirs.  Maybe a new parent group needs to be started; maybe they already have one in place.  There should absolutely be a class for parents on how to deal with separation---parenting at all stages needs a handbook, a guide to help us figure the little things out.  It takes a team to raise a Whole child. 

I hope his separation comes and goes quickly, and that he enjoys school. And I hope the guilt I am feeling passes too.  I know it will. Tomorrow I am giving him an ID card with my picture on it, that worked once over the summer, let’s hope it will again.

My Back to School Wish List (of sorts)

In a few weeks my Four year old son is going into public pre-school this fall, an event which I am having extreme emotions about.  He's my baby, but yet, he will be walking the halls of a public school as countless have done before, armed with his Cars Soft Lunch Box, his Union Jack Backpack and his unique sense of humor (His favorite joke this month is Q: Which Astronaut has the biggest head? A: The one with the biggest helmet!!!

This week I received his back to school supply list.  Of course things have changed since I went to school…No doubt thanks to all the educational cuts and the mismanagement of the education system as it stands today. There are 24 items on the list, some strange and some typical. They are asking for the normal stuff Washable Markers, 2 marbled notebooks, Pencils, Folders, Glue, etc.  But they are also asking for Ketchup.

And Pancake Syrup.

My son is allergic to Ketchup, and do you really need that much pancake syrup?  There are 18 kids in his class, so 18 kids multiplied by 3 classes per grade, that’s 324 bottles of ketchup and pancake syrup. 

 I assume they aren’t going to do a craft with it. 

I am not in any way against giving these supplies, I was a teacher myself, and I understand the major need for tissues and baby wipes which are also present on the list, but they are so weirdly specific and a little strange that it makes me think, if they can give me a list on what they want from me before the first day of school, then why can't I send them a list on what I expect from them for my son.

You want me to get paper plates, not Styrofoam (yes they still make them) and not recyclable ones, but paper--sure, willingly, then I want you to inform me before a lesson happens what you are working on. 

You’re asking us for 1 bottle of hand soap, the foaming kind—absolutely-- then make sure that Teddy will be learning math and reading through meaningful, hands on lessons and not only via work sheets. 

I don’t want to start a school year already annoyed by the system, though I’m afraid I am.  All successful relationships are built on effective communication.  I tell you want I need or think, then you tell me what you think or need in return.  It really is that simple.  Or at least it should be.  Not everyone understands this and many people take it personally.  I think that if the school thinks it proper to send out a wish list, then so too should we as parents.  Nothing personal, not in retaliation, but just in an effort to get the ball rolling in the proper way.  I am aware however, that not every parent is as needy or demanding as I am educationally speaking. I have spoken to some parents whose top on the list is that the facility be clean and safe, with the possibility of some reading or math.  While I agree with the clean and safe aspect, the requirements for preschool have changed.  While it still is not legally mandatory for a child to attend preschool, it is a necessity for them if they are to succeed in the earlier part of their educational career.  Statistics from Head Start programs state that the effect of early childhood education (starting at 4 years old) last until third grade if not continually supported.  The benefits of preschool lasts for four years.  During the time they are in preschool they are not only learning to play with others and reinforcing their basic skills, but they are forming their idea of what school is and they will either love it, hate it or be ambivalent about it.  That depends upon the school, the teachers, yes, but also the parents.  Parents have a huge hand in how their child sees school and how well they do in it.  Our attitudes reflect on our children, they are sponges and we are their models.  They pick up on our cues and that determines what type of relationship a child will have with school.  Therefore the teachers and administrators really owe it to themselves to cultivate a successful relationship with each and every parent, otherwise they are not doing their jobs.

At least that is how it should be.  So my list would consist of all the things a good school should offer, but more than that it would have, at it's very core, the need for effective communication between the home and the school.