Savvy is not a four letter word

Savvy: (sav-vy (savee) -verb: to know; understand. (savvy. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved April 04, 2011, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/savvy) Having and using common sense and intelligence.  

Parent: [pair-uh nt,] –noun 1.  a father or a mother. 2. a protector or guardian.
( parent. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved April 04, 2011, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/parent)

Being a “savvy parent” is our duty as parents.  It means that we are aware enough of the environment in which we live both locally, regionally and globally, and that we are making choices that benefit our kids and hopefully other children as well.  It means that we are acting as proper and fierce advocates for the rights of our children to be duly and properly educated and well taken care of especially during the time of their lives where they are really not able to legally or emotionally advocate for themselves.  All parents must do this, it is part of our job description, it is sad to think that someone may use this against parents who want to obtain what they feel is the best for their children. A savvy parent is not someone with suitcases of money who will pay anything to send their child to an elite, private, upper-crust pre-school--that is a rich parent.   A savvy parent is someone who will fight for their child’s right to enroll in a spectacular public or not-for-profit preschool that they might not be zoned for or scrape up enough money and go without cable for a year so their child can be a part of a school they otherwise cannot afford. A savvy parent will collect the information they need to make these decisions and upon doing so find out more information they never knew they needed to know and will probably share that with some of their friends.   I was at the recent CEC (Community Education council) for District 31 meeting (31 encompasses the entire general department of education schools on Staten Island) to support the Staten Island Green Charter School for Environmental Discovery, and boy was I ever riled up by what one person who seemingly is advocating for children and public schools as a whole had said.  She basically came out and said that savvy parents need to be condemned for wanting a choice for their children.  That by being a savvy parent, one is being opportunistic, elitist, and well, biased. 

The CEC 31’s have in effect replaced what used to be known as Community School Boards, every district has one and its members are all volunteers and many from the public education sector. Some of their responsibilities include: Promoting the success of the DOE Educational standards and objectives; Act in cooperation with School Leadership Teams; Consult with the Chancellor and the Panel on Educational Policy when it pertains to their specific district; Evaluate the impact on student learning by the district’s Schools and other educational programs and; Designate zoning lines.  (http://www.cec31.org/index.html) They are also an open forum of sorts to have a public say in what educational policies and issues may be on the brink of passing and up for discussion.  I went there, with some other parents, to support a school that holds as its mission the opportunity for all learning styles to be supported.  Through the differentiated learning that the school is proposing, children who need a little extra help may be able to get it here, and not be overlooked or overworked at a traditional public school.  Charter schools are publicly funded and need to hold a lottery.  

The argument that this woman, a longtime public school employee and lifelong educator, held was that, a certain portion of our society will not be savvy enough to access something called the internet and not know what their rights are as parents when it comes to accessing schools like this one is proposing to be.  I say, this woman really needs to understand that in the world in which she once came from, when her children were small and just starting out going to school, that might have been the case, but this is such a different world.  Most parents are savvy.  Case in point two other women at the meeting, both who are educators and one of whom spoke out against the charter school model, actually manipulated the public school system to get her daughter transferred to what she deemed was a better school.  They both have young children and are actively playing a role in the education of their children.  All parents for whom education plays a big part in their child’s life are doing this.  And those parent’s do not equal 2.  Those parents are a million strong.  Even more.  There is no more the excuse of, “Oh, I just didn’t know that.”  They look on the internet, talk to one another, get daily emails sent to them by the DOE, savvyparent.com, greatschools.com, other parents.  There is so much access to information that it sometimes may be hard to weed through, but it is there.  If this is a priority for their children, if it is something they think is important, then they will find out what they need to do.  Sure it is time consuming, sure it is annoying, but they will be savvy by the end of it and their kids will be the better for it.  Do not talk down to me or accuse me of trying to get something over on the system or taking something away from another child because I am a savvy parent, because guess what, you were too. 

Release the Hounds!

School has begun.  Last year, Teddy went to Nursery school three afternoons per week and really didn’t display any type of separation.  None actually, which of course made me worry that he wasn’t attached to me and I wasn’t a good mom.  It also made me think if he was in touch with his emotions and if not, maybe I have a bigger problem on my hands than just a Sensory Issue. 

Fast forward to today, his third day alone in preschool (a big boy’s school!) and he is hysterical crying.  I know the right thing to do.  As a teacher of preschool kids, I always said it was better to just leave, and let us deal with it.  If they see you upset or waver they think they have a real reason to cry.  The stronger you are about it…BLAH BLAH BLAH!  My kid is crying.  It is damned hard to walk away from that, even when you know what is best.

Will he cry all afternoon?

Probably not.  He is probably right now just playing and doing a project, hanging with his new friends.  Will he cry when I pick him up?  Probably.

I saw it coming.  For a few weeks he has been off.  Not sleeping well.  Telling me that he won’t like his new teachers because he loves me and there is no more room to love anyone else.  This past week he has been displaying anger towards inanimate objects, kicking tires and doors a little.  Not listening.  What can I do except help him through this.  We started reading the Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, a timeless tale about a Raccoon going to school and having some hesitations.  His mom kisses his hand and tells him whenever he feels lonely he can put his hand up to his cheek and say to himself Mommy Loves me.  We did it.  I drew a heart on his hand, kissed it and he put it up to his cheek cradling it saying Mommy and Daddy love me. 

He threw my kiss away today.  I don’t feel hurt, or think this has in any way to do with me personally, but when his teacher saw that she said, he really loves school I wonder why he did that. Really?  Have you never dealt with a child who has separation?  He is the only one?  And you have been teaching preschool for how long now?  Oh this is your first year, you usually teach 4^th grade.  Well…….that doesn’t inspire the confidence that you will be able to care for him.  A 4^th grader is a completely different animal. 

He wasn’t alone in his display of fear and anguish.  Three other kids, one whom refused to go in at all, were hysterical.  The parents were at a loss because this is their first experience with separation.  I fear it may be another long year folks. 

How long will this separation last?  I guess it depends upon a few things.  How I handle it, how his teachers handle it and how the other kids in the class handle theirs.  Maybe a new parent group needs to be started; maybe they already have one in place.  There should absolutely be a class for parents on how to deal with separation---parenting at all stages needs a handbook, a guide to help us figure the little things out.  It takes a team to raise a Whole child. 

I hope his separation comes and goes quickly, and that he enjoys school. And I hope the guilt I am feeling passes too.  I know it will. Tomorrow I am giving him an ID card with my picture on it, that worked once over the summer, let’s hope it will again.

How Do You Know When IT is Right?

I worry.  I worry deeply about my son’s education.  I want it to be stellar, spectacular even.  I want him to be happy.  I want us to be happy with the schools we choose and that is such a crap shoot these days.  Education is really needing to look elsewhere for funds since the government just does not want to pay for it anymore, and the more in bed the schools get with corporate partnerships the more beholden to them they will be, plaques like this math book is sponsored by McDonalds just may be a reality.  It may already have happened. 

Why do I want him to like school so much?  Maybe it’s because I didn’t.  At least not past 5^th grade, I suspect tho that it started before then.  Am I reaching for a goal here that I was unable to achieve?  Am I trying to go back to my childhood and fix what happened to me?  Don’t we all a little bit?  We are thinking of moving to Brooklyn to go to have him go to a school there.  The schools there seem to have a little more to offer.  When I say schools I mean public school.  I still believe in the public school system as it was set up and the promise it actually could have, especially if it was supported in the way it ought to be.  I want Teddy to experience a mix of cultures as well as a mix of specialty classes.  I want him to know a person who celebrates Kwanzaa and Ramadan as well as Hanukkah and Christmas.  And I want the teachers to show him things that I am not able to or haven’t thought up.  A friend of mine who loves to debate my educational understanding and ideas believes that I can give him what I want and have the schools supplement.  But social ties will get in the way of that as he gets older.  He will be involved with after school stuff and homework will take precedence in my supplementation of what I want him to learn, so as he gets older, I won’t be able to show him new ideas and spend hours performing science experiments with him.  The school will have to be his primary teacher and I will be the one supplementing them. 

When he was one, I said to my husband, Pete, that we have four years to make decisions about Teddy’s education.  We feel like, now that we have one year to go, we have more questions than answers, though there are some incredible websites out there to help, the educational experience is so personal that even if I went to take a tour of the school or schools that we are interested in we really won’t know how he will fit in, if his personal needs will be met and if he will succeed.  Yes, we will be there pretty much every step of the way to see what he needs and change things up as we go along, but can we really know? And what if we think we have it right, move to a new area of the city and it turns out to be horrible?  This is what my parents had to do when they moved us from Brooklyn (where we want to go) to Staten Island.  Yes we were safer (define that) and we had much more space to run around in, but were the schools actually better?  I guess it really all depends on what you want from a school?  This is something I keep trying to define.  What do I want from my son’s school?  What do I want for my son’s education?  Will I find it? Do I know too much?  Does that hurt me?

I don’t know but I do know that if my husband and I don’t ask these questions, one of the most precious gifts we can give him, the one thing I feel I can do really right, will not be good enough.