School has begun. Last year, Teddy went to Nursery school three afternoons per week and really didn’t display any type of separation. None actually, which of course made me worry that he wasn’t attached to me and I wasn’t a good mom. It also made me think if he was in touch with his emotions and if not, maybe I have a bigger problem on my hands than just a Sensory Issue.
Fast forward to today, his third day alone in preschool (a big boy’s school!) and he is hysterical crying. I know the right thing to do. As a teacher of preschool kids, I always said it was better to just leave, and let us deal with it. If they see you upset or waver they think they have a real reason to cry. The stronger you are about it…BLAH BLAH BLAH! My kid is crying. It is damned hard to walk away from that, even when you know what is best.
Will he cry all afternoon?
Probably not. He is probably right now just playing and doing a project, hanging with his new friends. Will he cry when I pick him up? Probably.
I saw it coming. For a few weeks he has been off. Not sleeping well. Telling me that he won’t like his new teachers because he loves me and there is no more room to love anyone else. This past week he has been displaying anger towards inanimate objects, kicking tires and doors a little. Not listening. What can I do except help him through this. We started reading the Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, a timeless tale about a Raccoon going to school and having some hesitations. His mom kisses his hand and tells him whenever he feels lonely he can put his hand up to his cheek and say to himself Mommy Loves me. We did it. I drew a heart on his hand, kissed it and he put it up to his cheek cradling it saying Mommy and Daddy love me.
He threw my kiss away today. I don’t feel hurt, or think this has in any way to do with me personally, but when his teacher saw that she said, he really loves school I wonder why he did that. Really? Have you never dealt with a child who has separation? He is the only one? And you have been teaching preschool for how long now? Oh this is your first year, you usually teach 4th grade. Well…….that doesn’t inspire the confidence that you will be able to care for him. A 4th grader is a completely different animal.
He wasn’t alone in his display of fear and anguish. Three other kids, one whom refused to go in at all, were hysterical. The parents were at a loss because this is their first experience with separation. I fear it may be another long year folks.
How long will this separation last? I guess it depends upon a few things. How I handle it, how his teachers handle it and how the other kids in the class handle theirs. Maybe a new parent group needs to be started; maybe they already have one in place. There should absolutely be a class for parents on how to deal with separation---parenting at all stages needs a handbook, a guide to help us figure the little things out. It takes a team to raise a Whole child.
I hope his separation comes and goes quickly, and that he enjoys school. And I hope the guilt I am feeling passes too. I know it will. Tomorrow I am giving him an ID card with my picture on it, that worked once over the summer, let’s hope it will again.
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