Savvy is not a four letter word

Savvy: (sav-vy (savee) -verb: to know; understand. (savvy. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved April 04, 2011, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/savvy) Having and using common sense and intelligence.  

Parent: [pair-uh nt,] –noun 1.  a father or a mother. 2. a protector or guardian.
( parent. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved April 04, 2011, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/parent)

Being a “savvy parent” is our duty as parents.  It means that we are aware enough of the environment in which we live both locally, regionally and globally, and that we are making choices that benefit our kids and hopefully other children as well.  It means that we are acting as proper and fierce advocates for the rights of our children to be duly and properly educated and well taken care of especially during the time of their lives where they are really not able to legally or emotionally advocate for themselves.  All parents must do this, it is part of our job description, it is sad to think that someone may use this against parents who want to obtain what they feel is the best for their children. A savvy parent is not someone with suitcases of money who will pay anything to send their child to an elite, private, upper-crust pre-school--that is a rich parent.   A savvy parent is someone who will fight for their child’s right to enroll in a spectacular public or not-for-profit preschool that they might not be zoned for or scrape up enough money and go without cable for a year so their child can be a part of a school they otherwise cannot afford. A savvy parent will collect the information they need to make these decisions and upon doing so find out more information they never knew they needed to know and will probably share that with some of their friends.   I was at the recent CEC (Community Education council) for District 31 meeting (31 encompasses the entire general department of education schools on Staten Island) to support the Staten Island Green Charter School for Environmental Discovery, and boy was I ever riled up by what one person who seemingly is advocating for children and public schools as a whole had said.  She basically came out and said that savvy parents need to be condemned for wanting a choice for their children.  That by being a savvy parent, one is being opportunistic, elitist, and well, biased. 

The CEC 31’s have in effect replaced what used to be known as Community School Boards, every district has one and its members are all volunteers and many from the public education sector. Some of their responsibilities include: Promoting the success of the DOE Educational standards and objectives; Act in cooperation with School Leadership Teams; Consult with the Chancellor and the Panel on Educational Policy when it pertains to their specific district; Evaluate the impact on student learning by the district’s Schools and other educational programs and; Designate zoning lines.  (http://www.cec31.org/index.html) They are also an open forum of sorts to have a public say in what educational policies and issues may be on the brink of passing and up for discussion.  I went there, with some other parents, to support a school that holds as its mission the opportunity for all learning styles to be supported.  Through the differentiated learning that the school is proposing, children who need a little extra help may be able to get it here, and not be overlooked or overworked at a traditional public school.  Charter schools are publicly funded and need to hold a lottery.  

The argument that this woman, a longtime public school employee and lifelong educator, held was that, a certain portion of our society will not be savvy enough to access something called the internet and not know what their rights are as parents when it comes to accessing schools like this one is proposing to be.  I say, this woman really needs to understand that in the world in which she once came from, when her children were small and just starting out going to school, that might have been the case, but this is such a different world.  Most parents are savvy.  Case in point two other women at the meeting, both who are educators and one of whom spoke out against the charter school model, actually manipulated the public school system to get her daughter transferred to what she deemed was a better school.  They both have young children and are actively playing a role in the education of their children.  All parents for whom education plays a big part in their child’s life are doing this.  And those parent’s do not equal 2.  Those parents are a million strong.  Even more.  There is no more the excuse of, “Oh, I just didn’t know that.”  They look on the internet, talk to one another, get daily emails sent to them by the DOE, savvyparent.com, greatschools.com, other parents.  There is so much access to information that it sometimes may be hard to weed through, but it is there.  If this is a priority for their children, if it is something they think is important, then they will find out what they need to do.  Sure it is time consuming, sure it is annoying, but they will be savvy by the end of it and their kids will be the better for it.  Do not talk down to me or accuse me of trying to get something over on the system or taking something away from another child because I am a savvy parent, because guess what, you were too. 

Teach-r-Mom: This week's lesson in how to become a bad parent. ...

Teach-r-Mom: This week's lesson in how to become a bad parent. ...: This week's lesson in how to become a bad parent. You must: 1. Yell at your child when she doesn't listen to you, although you have repeat...

This week's lesson in how to become a bad parent. You must:

1. Yell at your child when she doesn't listen to you, although you have repeatedly, from a chair, clearly not motivated, while sending texts and laughing at emails, asked her if she wanted to go get Ham and cheese because you are hungry.

2. Leave that child in the locked car, with the windows up and the heat on, alone, parked half in the street and half on the sidewalk.

3. Run in to interrupt your other child's physical therapy session while your younger child is waiting locked in the car, with the windows up and the heat on, alone...

and- 4 (my favorite)
Have the older child that you plucked from Physcial Therapy early walk out into the rain and cold with their pants scrunched all the way up and only one foot in her boot.

But at least you are all wearing matching jackets and your nails are done.

It's Naked Time!

Ah, Naked Time.  The time of day when my four year old son, who is proudly unaware that being naked is frowned upon in certain, shall we say, uptight circles of our society, streaks across the floor gleefully yelling, “Catch Me!  I’m Naked BOY!” 

I don’t have a problem with him doing this.  I am of the mind that a four year old is just expressing his or her innate need to declare themselves.  If this means exposing one’s own privates in moderately mixed company, so be it. 

My parents and sister disagree.  The other day I was over their house (which I am often) and Teddy ran into the kitchen naked.  My sister said in a tone of voice that clearly dripped with distaste, “Teddy that is inappropriate now, you are too old to run around naked.  Go put some clothes on.” My parents chimed in, he ignored her and I replied, “Great way to help build his positive body image!”

For the record, Teddy only streaks before or after bath time, and when he is getting changed.  He doesn’t walk around the block naked and rarely does it when company is over.  However, he loves it.  He loves feeling the breeze on his preschool butt.  And truthfully I really don’t mind, neither does my husband.  And by “Moderately Mixed Company” I mean Family members and the odd close friend or two, not at the park or on the beach.

While our self image is ever evolving based on the information about ourselves that we receive and accept over the years, there are certain ideas that kids should grow up with to ensure that most of what they think of themselves is positive.  This creates the opportunity not only to love oneself, but not be devastated when they find themselves inevitably facing their limitations.    Parents, caregivers, teachers and close family members all aid in either the promotion or destruction of that self esteem.  And while it is possible, with much help, therapy and persuasion to change an already bruised ego, puberty will screw them up so badly that not only will they have that to contend with, but the horrible self image they have constructed because their loved and trusted caregiver cannot understand what it means to be that uninhibited. 

Many of the things adult do and say to our children, in the name of safety or just to enforce rules are built around a preconceived notion that they have created for themselves with the information they were given.  I am not saying most of it is wrong, but I am suggesting that while a child is scolded in the guise of being taught a lesson, or restricted in the name of safety, it is necessary to ask ourselves if our gut reaction is a condition of what we were scolded for or restricted from when we were kids. 

Another relevant question is why do we feel so uncomfortable about it?  Is it from a fear that has been implanted in our psyche or do we truly feel that it may be inappropriate for a four year old to say, run around the background on a beautiful summer day completely naked for 4 minutes before his mother gets him to come over to her so she can put his bathing suit on while no one but his aunt and grandmother are around to witness it.   

He may be safe with clothes on but at what cost?

Release the Hounds!

School has begun.  Last year, Teddy went to Nursery school three afternoons per week and really didn’t display any type of separation.  None actually, which of course made me worry that he wasn’t attached to me and I wasn’t a good mom.  It also made me think if he was in touch with his emotions and if not, maybe I have a bigger problem on my hands than just a Sensory Issue. 

Fast forward to today, his third day alone in preschool (a big boy’s school!) and he is hysterical crying.  I know the right thing to do.  As a teacher of preschool kids, I always said it was better to just leave, and let us deal with it.  If they see you upset or waver they think they have a real reason to cry.  The stronger you are about it…BLAH BLAH BLAH!  My kid is crying.  It is damned hard to walk away from that, even when you know what is best.

Will he cry all afternoon?

Probably not.  He is probably right now just playing and doing a project, hanging with his new friends.  Will he cry when I pick him up?  Probably.

I saw it coming.  For a few weeks he has been off.  Not sleeping well.  Telling me that he won’t like his new teachers because he loves me and there is no more room to love anyone else.  This past week he has been displaying anger towards inanimate objects, kicking tires and doors a little.  Not listening.  What can I do except help him through this.  We started reading the Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, a timeless tale about a Raccoon going to school and having some hesitations.  His mom kisses his hand and tells him whenever he feels lonely he can put his hand up to his cheek and say to himself Mommy Loves me.  We did it.  I drew a heart on his hand, kissed it and he put it up to his cheek cradling it saying Mommy and Daddy love me. 

He threw my kiss away today.  I don’t feel hurt, or think this has in any way to do with me personally, but when his teacher saw that she said, he really loves school I wonder why he did that. Really?  Have you never dealt with a child who has separation?  He is the only one?  And you have been teaching preschool for how long now?  Oh this is your first year, you usually teach 4^th grade.  Well…….that doesn’t inspire the confidence that you will be able to care for him.  A 4^th grader is a completely different animal. 

He wasn’t alone in his display of fear and anguish.  Three other kids, one whom refused to go in at all, were hysterical.  The parents were at a loss because this is their first experience with separation.  I fear it may be another long year folks. 

How long will this separation last?  I guess it depends upon a few things.  How I handle it, how his teachers handle it and how the other kids in the class handle theirs.  Maybe a new parent group needs to be started; maybe they already have one in place.  There should absolutely be a class for parents on how to deal with separation---parenting at all stages needs a handbook, a guide to help us figure the little things out.  It takes a team to raise a Whole child. 

I hope his separation comes and goes quickly, and that he enjoys school. And I hope the guilt I am feeling passes too.  I know it will. Tomorrow I am giving him an ID card with my picture on it, that worked once over the summer, let’s hope it will again.

How Do You Know When IT is Right?

I worry.  I worry deeply about my son’s education.  I want it to be stellar, spectacular even.  I want him to be happy.  I want us to be happy with the schools we choose and that is such a crap shoot these days.  Education is really needing to look elsewhere for funds since the government just does not want to pay for it anymore, and the more in bed the schools get with corporate partnerships the more beholden to them they will be, plaques like this math book is sponsored by McDonalds just may be a reality.  It may already have happened. 

Why do I want him to like school so much?  Maybe it’s because I didn’t.  At least not past 5^th grade, I suspect tho that it started before then.  Am I reaching for a goal here that I was unable to achieve?  Am I trying to go back to my childhood and fix what happened to me?  Don’t we all a little bit?  We are thinking of moving to Brooklyn to go to have him go to a school there.  The schools there seem to have a little more to offer.  When I say schools I mean public school.  I still believe in the public school system as it was set up and the promise it actually could have, especially if it was supported in the way it ought to be.  I want Teddy to experience a mix of cultures as well as a mix of specialty classes.  I want him to know a person who celebrates Kwanzaa and Ramadan as well as Hanukkah and Christmas.  And I want the teachers to show him things that I am not able to or haven’t thought up.  A friend of mine who loves to debate my educational understanding and ideas believes that I can give him what I want and have the schools supplement.  But social ties will get in the way of that as he gets older.  He will be involved with after school stuff and homework will take precedence in my supplementation of what I want him to learn, so as he gets older, I won’t be able to show him new ideas and spend hours performing science experiments with him.  The school will have to be his primary teacher and I will be the one supplementing them. 

When he was one, I said to my husband, Pete, that we have four years to make decisions about Teddy’s education.  We feel like, now that we have one year to go, we have more questions than answers, though there are some incredible websites out there to help, the educational experience is so personal that even if I went to take a tour of the school or schools that we are interested in we really won’t know how he will fit in, if his personal needs will be met and if he will succeed.  Yes, we will be there pretty much every step of the way to see what he needs and change things up as we go along, but can we really know? And what if we think we have it right, move to a new area of the city and it turns out to be horrible?  This is what my parents had to do when they moved us from Brooklyn (where we want to go) to Staten Island.  Yes we were safer (define that) and we had much more space to run around in, but were the schools actually better?  I guess it really all depends on what you want from a school?  This is something I keep trying to define.  What do I want from my son’s school?  What do I want for my son’s education?  Will I find it? Do I know too much?  Does that hurt me?

I don’t know but I do know that if my husband and I don’t ask these questions, one of the most precious gifts we can give him, the one thing I feel I can do really right, will not be good enough.

Ok--So I admit I was very freaked out about the earthquake

One of the main reasons I have not moved to California, beisdes it's supposed fall into the Pacific Ocean, is the Earthquakes.  Today on the East Coast we got a little taste of what Californians no doubt would think was a pretty mild event. 

It is about 1:30, Teddy is with my mom and sister going to BJ's and I am on the phone with my Dad.  I stayed home and gave him up for the day because I had to do some computer work/writing/playing on Facebook--we all need a little me time no?--anyway, I was on the phone with my Dad and all of a sudden I felt like I was moving.  "Dad, did you feel that?" "What?" "Oh my God there it is again, I'm moving."  He laughs and thinks I've gone crazy.  I look at the bag on the floor next to me and it is vibrating.  The shades which are drawn so as to block out any and all temptations I might have to go outside and not actually do any work are also moving.  The door starts to move back and forth.  "DAD! We are having an Earthquake!!!"  "Run outside, call me back!"  I run outside and all of my neighbors are outside.  "Did you feel that?" "What was that" "Was that an EARTHQUAKE!"  Everyone seems to be a little more than a little freaked out.  And All I could think of besides "Where is Teddy and is he ok",  was I am really not wearing the appropriate clothes for this.  I had on stretch yoga pants, flip flops and two layered tank tops.  Fine to sit and write in front of the computer, sure, but not what you would call great attire for fleeing a disaster scene. 

After I calmed down about the clothes I was wearing--I truly am not that vain, really--I had a moment to think about the fact that I wasn't with Teddy.  This was not an apocalyptic event such as 9/11 was.  When that happened ten years ago, I was in the second day of my new life as a preschool teacher.  I was in Greenwich Village on Sullivan Street, a block that at the north you could clearly see the Empire State Building and at the its south you can clearly see what would be left of the Twin Towers. 

As the planes flew over us that morning when we were setting up our new classroom and laughing about the fact that "They were coming for us." (As the planes went overhead, they sounded like they did in the 1940's and 50's movies.)  We heard a scream from next door.  A fellow teacher saw them hit the first tower.  She screamed and ran downstairs.  Kids starting flooding in at this time, parents looking really freaked out and not knowing what to do, run or stay.  We didn't know what to tell them. 

As the days progressed and we all started making sense of this disaster, parents called to tell me that they were taking their kids to the country, out of the city.  Friends were emailing me to tell me what downtown looked like in flames, and I tried to comprehend the madness of what happened.

Today when our minor quake happened, I was at a loss to know what I would have done had it been bad.  And had Teddy not been with me.  I'm still rather freaked out by it.  I responded with humor and bag packing.  But he wasn't with me and that I was not okay with.  I will not always be able to be with him, especially as he gets older and that loss of control has me reeling. 

Ahhhhh, the life of a parent.  When done correctly it messes you up big time!

My Back to School Wish List (of sorts)

In a few weeks my Four year old son is going into public pre-school this fall, an event which I am having extreme emotions about.  He's my baby, but yet, he will be walking the halls of a public school as countless have done before, armed with his Cars Soft Lunch Box, his Union Jack Backpack and his unique sense of humor (His favorite joke this month is Q: Which Astronaut has the biggest head? A: The one with the biggest helmet!!!

This week I received his back to school supply list.  Of course things have changed since I went to school…No doubt thanks to all the educational cuts and the mismanagement of the education system as it stands today. There are 24 items on the list, some strange and some typical. They are asking for the normal stuff Washable Markers, 2 marbled notebooks, Pencils, Folders, Glue, etc.  But they are also asking for Ketchup.

And Pancake Syrup.

My son is allergic to Ketchup, and do you really need that much pancake syrup?  There are 18 kids in his class, so 18 kids multiplied by 3 classes per grade, that’s 324 bottles of ketchup and pancake syrup. 

 I assume they aren’t going to do a craft with it. 

I am not in any way against giving these supplies, I was a teacher myself, and I understand the major need for tissues and baby wipes which are also present on the list, but they are so weirdly specific and a little strange that it makes me think, if they can give me a list on what they want from me before the first day of school, then why can't I send them a list on what I expect from them for my son.

You want me to get paper plates, not Styrofoam (yes they still make them) and not recyclable ones, but paper--sure, willingly, then I want you to inform me before a lesson happens what you are working on. 

You’re asking us for 1 bottle of hand soap, the foaming kind—absolutely-- then make sure that Teddy will be learning math and reading through meaningful, hands on lessons and not only via work sheets. 

I don’t want to start a school year already annoyed by the system, though I’m afraid I am.  All successful relationships are built on effective communication.  I tell you want I need or think, then you tell me what you think or need in return.  It really is that simple.  Or at least it should be.  Not everyone understands this and many people take it personally.  I think that if the school thinks it proper to send out a wish list, then so too should we as parents.  Nothing personal, not in retaliation, but just in an effort to get the ball rolling in the proper way.  I am aware however, that not every parent is as needy or demanding as I am educationally speaking. I have spoken to some parents whose top on the list is that the facility be clean and safe, with the possibility of some reading or math.  While I agree with the clean and safe aspect, the requirements for preschool have changed.  While it still is not legally mandatory for a child to attend preschool, it is a necessity for them if they are to succeed in the earlier part of their educational career.  Statistics from Head Start programs state that the effect of early childhood education (starting at 4 years old) last until third grade if not continually supported.  The benefits of preschool lasts for four years.  During the time they are in preschool they are not only learning to play with others and reinforcing their basic skills, but they are forming their idea of what school is and they will either love it, hate it or be ambivalent about it.  That depends upon the school, the teachers, yes, but also the parents.  Parents have a huge hand in how their child sees school and how well they do in it.  Our attitudes reflect on our children, they are sponges and we are their models.  They pick up on our cues and that determines what type of relationship a child will have with school.  Therefore the teachers and administrators really owe it to themselves to cultivate a successful relationship with each and every parent, otherwise they are not doing their jobs.

At least that is how it should be.  So my list would consist of all the things a good school should offer, but more than that it would have, at it's very core, the need for effective communication between the home and the school. 

Welcome to Teach-R-Mom--Who am I and why should you care?

I am a teacher. I am a mom.  As a mom, I am always teaching my son (and believe it or not, he is absolutely teaching me).  The thing I didn't expect however, was that now, when I teach, I use my the mom part of my brain and am really able to see the act of education not only through the educator's point of view but through a mom's point of view.  I guess I naively thought that I would be able to distance myself from that part of myself while I was teaching but, not only am I not able to do that, I don't want to.  I think I am a better teacher, especially for the preschoolers I teach, because I am a mom.  During parent-teacher meetings at the Nursery School I taught at, I would glibly tell the parents of my students, "I am not a mom, so I cannot say what I would do if I was in your place, but..." and then add in some tree-ripened piece of pedagogical wisdom. 

And for the most part, I would have been on the right track--educationally speaking, but it was how I said it that needed to be tweaked a little.  I see that now.  But then I also see the flaws in the educational system more keenly.  I know too much about the goings on inside a school.  I know what needs or should be happening, from the parent's perspective, the teacher's perspective and the director's perspective.  Mix this with an overinflated Super-teacher complex, and a proclivity to butt in and you have me.  Well meaning, well educated and willing to share what I know.

As my son gets older, and more choices for his education need to be made, I am aware of two things.  I am an educational snob, and my instincts are usually right on. 

Before I write any further, I want to tell you, dear reader, that I usually am modest, but you didn't come here to read a blog written by someone without any expertise.  I want to share with you what I know to help you make better decisions about educating your child, whether on Staten Island, in Brooklyn or in Botswana.  Actually I take that back, probably not Botswana, but Seattle maybe.  I will impart what I know using humor and insight.  I am very interested in the field of education, especially early childhood and special education.  I think about it often and to the possible annoyance of the parents in my son's classes, friends and acquaintances I talk about it often as well.

My basic philosophy of how to educate a child (or anyone for that matter) is identifying the key to how they learn and making it meaningful to them.  I identify with Howard Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences and use it to teach my students in the way that they will learn best.  The key is to get that child to love school, but a child who likes to use his hands to learn will not do well in a classroom that doesn't allow touching as an option.  A child who needs to see how something is done before internalizing a lesson will not do well in a class where rote memorization is the main instructional tool. 

I hope to write a post at least 4 times a week.  Let's see how that goes shall we!  Until then, remember the key to your child's love of anything lies with you.  If you are psyched about learning and reading they will be too